Late-Night Hosts Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

Television's leading comedians used their evening criticizing President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa program, labeled the "gold card," describing it as a blatant pay-to-play system for the affluent.

The Late Show's Pointed Spin

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock holiday tune about the president. "He is making a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... ruins everything he touches."

Colbert's target was the controversial plan which enables foreign citizens to acquire U.S. residence for the price of a million dollars, with a "platinum" tier for $5 million. The program's portal promises processing "faster than ever."

"A brief note for you to rich foreigners: prior to you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the scheme is also meant to "extract cash" from businesses looking to hire skilled workers, with hefty payments. "That's a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your choosing – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"The most thorough vetting the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these people truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will let rich foreigners to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"It might be time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the application, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll ratings amid economic anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a bid to tackle affordability, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of food items, and reacted oddly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking right-leaning media defenses of Trump's financial record. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.